The Beauty of Beginnings

The Beauty of Beginnings

Beginnings? Overrated? Underrated? Perfect? Hyped? There are so many adjectives that pop in my mind and you know the surprising part? They all fit. In some way or other. If not for you than to someone besides you.

There are so many beginnings all around us – each day is a new beginning and so is every night. And if we see the world as a whole and even consider the solar system as a part – maybe we are trapped and there are no beginnings, just endless abyss that we call time. But let’s not get carried away, every 1^st is new beginnings and so are Mondays, only if you want. And the best or the worst part is, these beginnings can sometimes be any random Wednesday at 3:14 PM because you decide it.

But after hyping the beginnings for so long and reading about how beautiful they are, the truth is, so many times, they just suck. And all you want to do is find that writer who made you believe that beginnings could be pretty sunshine and cozy mornings. Who made you believe beginnings are beautiful? (Myth, if you ask me)

Then why do we have all these sonnets about the B’s ? Beautiful beginnings? I think, because on the way to this journey, we fall in love with the act…the practice, the art, the skill – whatever it is. And maybe, just maybe, we glorify it later. But the actual beginnings? They are scary. That first draft, the first registration, the first time you pick a knife (to cook or to kill…just kidding. To cook. To cook.!!) – any of the dreaded first. All of that or any of that, they are scary.

You want to start something. Maybe, you’ve done your research, far more than necessary and gone through all the reasons why it won’t work. Maybe, you’ve observed it a lot. Maybe, it is something you wanted to do since you were a kid. Maybe, you have been waiting to jump down that plane with parachute your whole life. But the first time you do it, it’s going to scare the living daylights out of you. It is going to be uncomfortable and the feeling of wrongness is going to seep in your body- sometimes so deadly that you can feel it pumping in your blood, making you stop in dread.

(A little fun fact: Your brain doesn’t really know the difference between nervousness and excitement… If you are nervous and you want to flip it, you can tell your brain that it is excitement and your brain will believe it.)

The first day at the gym.

The first class after years.

The first day of quitting alcohol.

The first day of your dream job.

So many beginnings and yet the feeling is the same. Why? Because deep down we know. We know that this is going to be different. And the truth is the realization that we are not going to be good at it. Forget good, we’re rather going to be a fool. And who, in a rational mind wants to be a fool?

Being a beginner at anything means facing the harsh reality and accepting that there are things that you don’t know. And if you want to know them, you’ll have to be a fool for a while.

I keep coming back to an example I keep on repeating to my students and myself. When you begin something new- all you will see is all the ways you don’t know or how you are so far behind in your life and how nothing works. But if we stay there for a while, hang on to being a fool for a while, and try again and again, something magical happens. And suddenly the death trap, feels familiar. It may still feel different, difficult and destructive too, but it is familiar. And as humans, we love something familiar. That is one of the reasons why we go back to our unhealthy habits, even when we know better – because they are familiar.

But you know what happens? Slowly that unknown becomes known and surprisingly the dreaded beginning has casually converted into the middle. Or as I like to call it, Middle Madness.

What’s even crazier is that when you’re in the middle, you won’t realize it. You won’t realize when the beginning changed to the steady middle. You won’t recognize the transition.

At least I didn’t.

I remember on a run, telling to a friend that 5k is normal. I hit it almost every day. And that made me pause. Because when did I become that person who could casually do 5k? It still takes me some time but damn it… in this journey to greatness or another level, I forgot how far I’ve come. If I sat with my younger self and told her that we run, she’d look at me with disbelief. And I won’t even blame her. Because I was never someone who would think about exercise or sports in any way.

But we are getting side-tracked. The truth is when you stay in that unknown zone for a while, let yourself be the fool, you’ll not comprehend when you’ve crossed that beginner stage. And that…that is so captivating.

While, all this was about the scary unknowns, there is another aspect…the sweet beginnings. The ones you’re so excited about. Something you’ve loved your whole life, been curious about it and now, finally, you get a chance. A chance to experience it all. No, don’t get me wrong. You’ll still be nervous but the excitement will overpower the nervousness. And that sigh that you’ll have when you experience it…

It’ll make that beginning…that unknown so worth it.

There is a lot to talk, especially when you talk about beginnings, the middle and the dreaded end. And I want to talk about it all. But right now, I think I’d rather focus on the sweet start.

I have recently started associating art and creativity to, anything and everything, whenever possible. And the truth is I cannot help but focus on the art of beginning.

Saying beginning as an art gives it such a romantic feel. Somehow it takes away the pressure. It gives that giddiness, soft touch to new things. As humans, we are wired to find beauty in everything – even destruction.

Just close your eyes and imagine. Trying something for the first time, just how many options we have left. There are wide range of emotions that you never experienced, now at your disposal. So many experiences that you never had are now within your grasp, just because you took a leap of faith.

Just because you stayed when it sucked.

Just because you were okay with looking like a fool rather than being one.

And that leap of faith doesn’t need Monday’s or New Year. It doesn’t even need a big moment. It just needs you and a little determination. And a little more of faith as you let the unknown become known.

And then…you’ll be glad that you were once a beginner.

A student of mine asked me what I hoped was one constant thing in my life. And I said learning. I just hope I never stop learning. While, I do mean it, there were many periods of life where I was not actively learning. But now that, I am learning again, I really hope, I never stop to learn. I hope I am that person when someone asks, so, what’s new in your life? I have a new answer.

I hope I have courage to try something new, to look stupid for a while and ask a gazillion questions and start something new whenever possible.

Because, beginnings are scary and they test everything – but at the end of the day, they do make for the best of stories, best of lessons and more than that, beginnings teach us. They teach us that with being over rated, under rated, hyped, beautiful, painful, they were and always will be magical.

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You can read a letter to someone who failed here.